For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize