Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
