but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
