im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
True strength comes from lack of pants
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
