On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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