nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
