Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
