it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
