the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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