i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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