What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
