i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
