Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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