So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
