You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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