When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
