and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
