we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
