I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
