tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
