I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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