If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize