We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
