Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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