guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
