So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
