so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
