Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
