there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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