i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
