These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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