She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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