A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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