That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
