I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
