I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
