but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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