He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize