final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well you can't waste a boner
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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