You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize