I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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