Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm too high and old for this...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
