True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
