I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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