So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
