Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
