While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
