Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
