There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
