Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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