We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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