the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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