who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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