oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There r osticjed everywhere
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
