im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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