worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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