I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
