hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
