It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Drunk is a universal language darling
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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