we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
