I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
