The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
my liver is dry heaving
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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