I puked a lego.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
