WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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