Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
