Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize