So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize