we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
