i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
