just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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