oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you will always have a special place in my vag
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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