Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
