Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
