Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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