Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
