Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
