sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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