i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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