Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
