i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
