took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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