I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
