I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
