I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
