I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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