Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
