What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
