if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
