Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
