Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
