I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
