So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
