So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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