I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
