his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
